Date Night
by BuddyForever799
Summary: Marge and Homer go on a date night and leave Bart and Lisa with two babysitters and Maggie with Moe. Mystery, comedy, intertwined stories. I'm a new author so my summaries aren't exactly brilliant at this point.
1. Chapter 1

**DATE NIGHT**

Chapter One

The telephone rang. Marge dropped the broomstick she had been cleaning so obsessively with, hesitated, than scooped it up, set it against the kitchen cabinet and answered the phone.

"Hello," she answered warily.

"This is Dr. _Love _calling," replied the voice.

"Oh, hello, Homer."

"D'oh! How'd you know it was me?" said Homer in a subdued voice.

"Hrrrm," Marge muttered.

"Listen, have you started dinner yet?" he said, regaining his unrealistic romance voice.

"I was just about to, why?"

"I have reservations for two at Lard Barn for tonight at 6:00."

"Homer, you know I love you, and that I love to see you eat, but I just don't have a big enough appetite to eat at one of those places. And besides, we just can't leave the kids alone."

"I already took care of that, Marge. I hired 3 babysitters for tonight, because my thinking is, if there's only one kid per babysitter, than none of the babysitters will go crazy."

"Wow, you came up with that yourself?" she asked skeptically.

"Eh, it was in this magazine Lenny was reading."

"Of course it was."

"So I got Moe to watch Maggie for a couple hours and then I found these two babysitters online for Bart and Lisa."

"Did you get a background check on those babysitters?"

"Eh, it's all good."

"Hrrrrmm."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

It was now 5:30, and Marge was now all dressed up and ready to go. She was wearing one of her old dresses with added short sleeves, because when you eat at Lard Barn on date night, you want something both classy and machine washable.

"Homer, are you ready yet?" she asked hurriedly.

"D'oh, I'll be down in a second, Marge!" whined Homer as he struggled to zip up his pants.

"We'll never be able to drop Maggie off at Moe's apartment and get to the restaurant on time if you don't hurry!" she called back.

"All right, all right, I'm coming," Homer said as he came down the stairs, fly still open.

"So where are you guys going, huh, huh?" asked Lisa excitedly.

"Hrrrm, we're going to Lard Barn."

"Well duh, that's the only place in town that satisfies Homer's hunger and paycheck," said Bart.

"Why you little-."

"Homer!"

"Sorry," he said, dropping the now choking Bart to the floor.

"Bart, Lisa, your babysitters should be here any minute. Now I want you to be nice to them, be polite, and above all, be here when they arrive," said Marge.

"Yes ma'am," they said together, although neither truly meant it.

"C'mon, Homer."

"Yes, ma'am," said Homer sulkily. And he really meant it.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Marge, with Maggie in her arms, knocked on the door three times.

"Who is it?!" called a voice from within.

"My name is Marge Simpson and I'm looking for Moe Syzlak," Marge called back. The door of the shabby apartment building creaked open to reveal a 40ish man dressed somewhere in between G.I. Joe and a Bigfoot hunter.

"You don't look like the Marge Simpson I know."

"That's because we've never met!" Marge cried out in annoyance. "Now, where can I find Mr. Syzlak?"

"3rd floor, room four. Hey, that rhymes! Maybe I should be a poet or something." Marge rolled her eyes and made her way to the elevator. When she arrived at Moe's room, she pressed the doorbell, realized it hadn't worked since the early 90's and knocked.

"Who is it?" asked Moe from the inside.

"It's me, Marge. I'm here to drop Maggie off."

"Okay, c'mon in, Midge." Marge stepped inside the dingy apartment awkwardly. She feared that it wasn't a safe place for a baby. She needn't have worried; Maggie and Moe would be in the apartment for only a short time after she left.

"I hope you realize that Homer and I will be gone a few hours, so you'll be taking care of Maggie longer than usual."

"Don't worry about it, Midge. Magpie and I always keep busy."

"Oh, I know you do. Listen, I don't want her to stay up longer than 9:00, but I would really prefer she go to bed at 7."

"No problem, Midge," said Moe, taking Maggie from her. "We'll be fine."

"Well, alright. See you soon. I'll call if we're gonna be late."

"Okay, bye Midge," Marge shut the door and Moe sat Maggie down on his couch and opened a nearby cabinet. Inside were loads of murder weapons, case files, evidence in little baggies, and a whole cooler full of baby formula. Everything they needed to be efficient detectives. Moe picked up a case file and handed another to Maggie. Just as he began to look over the case, the phone rang. Duty calls.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

No sooner had their parents and sister left that Bart and Lisa heard a knock on the door. They looked out and saw two teenagers waiting on their doorstep. Just then the door swung open and the male, with long black hair and who was dressed like a rocker, strode in. Following him was the female, with considerably shorter light brown hair, in a more environmentally conscious outfit.

"What's up little man, I'm Brock. Hey, you wanna see my motorcycle?"

"Awesome!" cried Bart enthusiastically.

"Yeah, he's my brother," the girl said to Lisa with disgust.

"I feel your pain," responded Lisa in much the same tone.

"Hey, do you want to go on a midnight protest at the slaughterhouse?"

"Sure, but it's not midnight."

"That's okay; we'll just come in a little early. My name's Karen by the way," Karen said, and the two went outside to join the boys.

"This is so cool! Can we take it for a spin?" Bart was saying.

"Totally!" cried Brock.

"You're seriously going to take a ten year old on your motorcycle?!" asked Karen.

"Oh, and what might I ask are your plans tonight?" questioned Brock.

"Lisa and I are going to the slaughterhouse to protest," she returned. They glared at each other.

"Come on!" They each called to their charges and stormed off in opposite directions, Brock and Bart turning around and returning to the bike a moment later, realizing they had forgotten their ride.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

**And just for all you Grandpa fans, I've added this special chapter.**

Since I have told you what the rest of the family was up to, I feel it is only fair to tell you what Grandpa was doing at the time this story takes place. He was watching Matlock.

"Maaaaattttllllooocccckkk!" cried Grandpa in excitement.

"Quiet you, you'll wake up Moleman!" shouted his nurse. Moleman jolted awake.

"Oh, I was dreaming I still had my original vertebrae," he said sadly.

"Now, take your medication, all of you!" The old codgers complied.

"And now, a word from our sponsors." said the TV.

"What the- now look what you did, you young whippersnapper! You made us miss Matlock!" yelled Grandpa angrily, but then, he's always angry.

"Nobody cares, ya old coot!" Grandpa turned to his companions and said:

"This reminds me of a story. I was eatin' oranges on the boardwalk when- *snort!*" Grandpa had fallen asleep. His dentures fell in his lap.

**Oh, and before I forget, I had better just say that the Simpsons belong to Matt Groening, and Grandpa's stories belong to Grandpa. And yeah, I know what the description says, I promise, cross my heart, the mystery and intertwining stories will fan out in the next two chapters.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Homer and Marge entered Lard Barn and got in line behind what seemed like just about every other fat person in all of Springfield. Finally they got to the front.

"Yeah, I have reservations for two under Simpson," said Homer.

"I'm sorry sir, but I don't see any reservations under that name," said the squeaky voiced teen.

"Why you little-"cried Homer as he lunged for the teen.

"Homer, no!" yelled Marge as she tried to pull him back.

"Um, do you have anything under Power?" asked Homer quietly.

"Max Power, 6:00?" asked the teen warily. Homer nodded.

"Homer…" said Marge through her teeth.

"What?! It sounds so manly!" replied Homer.

"Hrrrrmm." They then sat down at their booth. After a few minutes, a waiter who had obviously never eaten there came to came to their table.

"And what can I get for you two today?" he asked, using the fakest of his fake smiles.

"I will have the deep fried lard nuggets with the works, the triple bypass combo meal, a lemon chocolate chocolate-chip cinnamon cookie-bun, an Elvis special chocolate milkshake, a ticket to the buffet tables, a ticket to the beer garden, and a token for the vending machine," said Homer, drooling already.

"And the lady?" asked the waiter, exhausted from the long list of food he had to write down.

"I think I'll just have a piece of deep-fried lettuce and a glass of deep-fried water," said Marge.

"Right away," the waiter warily responded. They waited for the food. And waited. And waited. And waited. Before long, they had been waiting a full forty-five minutes.

"D'oh, Marge, when's the food gonna get here?" asked Homer sadly.

"I don't know, Homer. I'm sure they're just backed up badly," said Marge, trying to hide her relief.

That's not what it was.


	7. Chapter 7 part 1

Chapter Seven Part One

Maggie and Moe arrived on the scene. The scene in question was the kitchen in the back of Lard Barn. There was a dead guy lying dead on the floor deadly. He wore a chef's hat, and the worst-kept shoes either of them had ever seen. He was badly burned around the stomach area and up to the neck to the point of it being impossible to recognize. The owner of the restaurant, the sous chef, and the janitor were all there.

"Are any of the customers violent when they get bad food?" asked Moe.

"Of course they are," replied the owner impatiently. "We would just give them another dish and charge them for both."

"Just asking, sheesh!" said Moe. While he was arguing with the owner, Maggie got a better look at the crime scene. She gently began to move a piece of soaked fabric on the body, and threw her hand back in pain. That's when Moe noticed what she was doing.

"What happened, Mags? Are you okay?" he asked worriedly. Maggie nodded, still wincing. "We'll get you all fixed up when we get home, alright?" Maggie nodded again. "Wow, being worried about you being burned on the fingertips and how to avoid blame with your folks has made me hungry. Hey, sissy, can I have some of this soup?" he asked, addressing the owner.

"Sigh, very well," he replied in an unusual, almost smug tone. Then, Maggie noticed that the sous chef had burns very similar to hers on his fingertips. And then it all made sense. She rushed over to where Moe was approaching the "soup".

"What is it, Magpie? Do you want some soup, too?" Moe asked, and lifted her up to the countertop, next to the "soup". Without another thought, Maggie kicked the pot of "soup" to the floor (away from Moe, of course), and it burned a hole in the floor. "What the-"

"Put your hands up, both of you!" shouted the owner. They turned around to see the owner and the sous chef pointing guns at them and the janitor pointing a broom at them.

"Careful, Magpie, he's got a broom!" whispered Moe. She glared at him.

_To be continued…_


	8. Chapter 7 part 2

Chapter Seven Part Two

Maggie and Moe were led out to the parking lot, the janitor jabbing his broom at their backs.

"Well, well, well. Here we are in your final resting place," said the waiter rather snottily.

"You're seriously gonna shoot a baby?!" asked Moe, disgusted.

"Of course I am! She knows too much!"

"Why'd ya do it, sissy?" asked Moe, trying to sound authoritative with a gun pointed at his face.

"First of all, my name is not sissy, you simpleton! Second of all, we did it out of revenge! That jerk used to spit in our soup, every time! So, we gave him a taste of his own medicine!"

"Do you mean to tell me you killed him because he spit in your lunch? Why didn't you just quit whining and stop eating the soup? I didn't graduate from high school, and that's obvious even to me."

"What the- I don't know! And besides, I'm a restaurateur; it's my _job_ to be whiny!"

"Even so," retorted Moe, "you can't cover up murdering us, we'll be found, and the cops- probably ones from another county- are gonna connect it to you!"

"Oh, no they won't. The janitor here will clean the blood up, and none of my customers are going to hear the gunshots over the sound of their own puking." By this time, Maggie had grown tired of the highly clichéd conversation, reached into her diaper, and pulled out a gun, still wincing from the burns.

"Aaaaah! Baby with a gun!" shouted the janitor in terror.

"Quiet you, I'll bet it's not even loaded," said the rather annoyed owner.

"You're right," replied Moe calmly. "It's not. Yet." Maggie took off her bow and shook out three bullets into the gun and smiled slyly at them. The janitor let out a high-pitched scream and ran off. His accomplices quietly set down their guns and put their hands up. Just then, the police from another county rolled up and arrested the two and chased down the janitor. Chief Wiggum, clad in a rather frightening Hawaiian shirt, poked his head out of the restaurant, and then went back inside to go to the bathroom. Moe lifted Maggie onto the hood of the squad car and bandaged up her fingers. "All right, Mags. That was fun and all, but let's get you home for a nap." He had scarcely lifted her off when a police officer got a phone call. After a moment, he hung up and made his way to Maggie and Moe.

"We just got an emergency call from a nearby hospital," he paused a moment. "I think the two of you had better come with us."


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Meanwhile, in another part of town, Bart and Brock were hanging out at the Kwiki Mart.

"Man, I'm hungry," said Brock.

"No problem, I swiped 30 bucks from Homer's wallet before he left. Let's go get a snack!" replied Bart eagerly. They searched around the store for something delicious and by no means nutritious. Suddenly Bart came to a halt. "Look!" Up on the top shelf in aisle three was a single box of Extra Sugary Krusty-Os with Added Sugar (no, I am not joking about the name). "I bet I can grab it if you give me a boost."

"You sure?" Brock asked nervously. He didn't want to get in trouble for something he couldn't deny happened very easily.

"Positive," returned Bart confidently. And so Brock boosted Bart up so he could reach the box and get them a snack. Bart strained with all his might to reach the box, and just as he was about to grab it, his hand slipped and knocked the box down. Undiscouraged, he stretched down to catch it… and knocked into the shelf. The shelf, Bart, and Brock tumbled to the floor. In their daze they heard three more shelves plummet and slam to the ground. When they opened their eyes, they saw an angry Apu standing over them.

"Look at this mess! Do you boys know this is destruction of public property?" Bart and Brock nodded before shaking their heads. The boys were detained in the freezer section of the Kwiki Mart until Eddy and Lou came to take them down town. "Thank you, and do not come again under any circumstances!" Apu called back.

At the station, the boys were locked up in a jail cell until help arrived. "Let's see. Neither of your parents can be reached and we've been informed that our correspondents Simpson and Syzlak are tied up at the moment, so we'll have to call the only other number available. A Miss Karen Sampson ring a bell?" asked Lou.

"No! Not our sisters!" shouted Brock and Bart in unison. Lou dialed the number.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

The girls were there in minutes. They looked their brothers over angrily.

"I can't believe you got yourselves arrested!" shouted Karen without looking at them. "Mom and Dad are gonna kill me." Outside the cell, Lisa paced back and forth in anguish, and Karen was concluding her rant. Inside the boys were looking at them sheepishly. "Do you know what you just did?!"

"Uh, knocked over a bunch of shelves at the Kwiki Mart?" asked Brock quietly. Karen glared at him.

"We used our own money to bail you out. Now we don't have any supplies for the protest! We don't even have enough money to rent a bike to get there."

"Well, why don't ya just walk there?" he retorted, eyes narrowed.

"Are you kidding me, Brock? The Ogdenville slaughter house is ten miles away! Even if it was possible for us to walk that far, we'd get there way past midnight! Besides, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson are scheduled to be back at ten."

"Actually, Homer usually makes a stop at the hospital after Lard Barn, so I think you're safe," added Bart, growing bored with the whole brother-sister debacle. A deep, loud beeping sounded, and the cell door slid to the side.

Once they were all outside, Brock proposed a solution to the girls' problem. "Here's the deal. We'll give you a ride to your _precious_ slaughterhouse, but you can't say a word the whole ride there, or you get out. Deal?"

"Oh, no! There is no way I am getting on that thing you call a motorcycle, or letting Lisa," Karen returned determinately.

"Well, that's fine and all, but then you'll have to walk," countered Brock smugly. Karen hesitated.

"Fine," she muttered under her breath and climbed on behind Brock while Lisa climbed in the sidecar along with Bart and they were off. The whole time, per their agreement, Karen kept her mouth shut and refrained from screaming, even when her brother had been doing 70 in a 50mph zone. When they finally arrived, Karen shakily stepped of the bike and onto the safe, unmoving soil in front of the slaughterhouse. As Bart and Brock were leaving, she realized something.

"What the - - what about our supplies!" she shouted after them.

"Sorry, can't hear ya!" he called back as they disappeared down the road.

"Brock!"

**So, I finally got around to doing this chapter! A few quick notes: During chapter 6, there is a mention of the 'Triple Bypass Combo Meal,' which belongs to Mad Magazine, respectively. Also, did any of you catch the reference from Karen and Brock's last name? If you did, hooray! If not, I'll directly answer my own question in a future chapter. **


End file.
